


Sanctimonious Bastard

by zarahjoyce



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fake Dating, Gen, Humor....?, Modern AU, and their Long Suffering Sister, annoying older brothers, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 10:09:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19827949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarahjoyce/pseuds/zarahjoyce
Summary: Ever since Robb started dating Margaery Tyrell, he'd turned-- well,happy, Sansa can begrudgingly admit. Which is not bad in itself, especially as a happy Robb is a lovable, fun, kind Robb.Except happy Robb wants everyone to be as happy as he is - which means that he wants everyone to bedating.And of course he'll zero in on his currently boyfriendless, single-as-fuck younger sister.Repeatedly.Shit.-aka Sansa just wants Robb to shut up about the ~perks of dating~ and poor Jon's just caught in the middle of it all





	Sanctimonious Bastard

"--if you'd just _try_ to give yourself a chance, you may find out that--"  
  
Sansa keeps her head low and rolls her eyes as she pushes her salad about her plate.  
  
Seated in front of her and blissfully unaware of the dark mood currently enveloping his sister, Robb carefully cuts his steak and places it in his mouth. Then, "I'm telling you, Sans. You'll be happier that way."  
  
"Right," she sneers, unable to help herself, "because who in their right mind will be happy while _single_ , right?"  
  
He reaches for her hand and squeezes it. "I'm glad you understand."  
  
And Sansa strangles the urge to strangle her older, beloved, suddenly sanctimonious brother.  
  
And the change in his behavior? _S_ _hould_ be attributed to Margaery Tyrell, of all people.  
  
That _bitch_.  
  
Ever since Robb started dating her, he'd turned-- well, _happy_ , Sansa can begrudgingly admit. Which is not bad in itself, especially as a happy Robb is a lovable, fun, _kind_ Robb.   
  
Except happy Robb wants everyone to be as happy as he is - which means that he wants everyone to be _dating_.  
  
And _of course_ he'll zero in on his currently boyfriendless, single-as-fuck younger sister.  
  
Repeatedly.  
  
_Shit._  
  
Desperate to change the topic she asks, "Who else will be coming to this lunch anyway?"  
  
"Well, you know Marg can't come because she has this photoshoot," Robb says, sounding proud of his instagram-famous girlfriend. "I can't wait to see the results. She'll be wearing this gown that shows off just how beautiful she--"  
  
" _Robb,_ focus!" Sansa shrieks - before catching herself and clearing her throat. "I just asked who else is coming today? No need to go off about Marg, you know. I'm sure _everything_ she wears makes her more beautiful." She smiles at him - all teeth and little sincerity.  
  
Which Robb hardly noticed.  
  
"That's true," he responds, getting a fond, faraway look in his eyes. "I remember this one time--"  
  
"Is Arya coming?"  
  
"Arya _and_ Gendry, you mean?"   
  
"...right," Sansa says, deflating. " _And_ Gendry."  
  
How could she have forgotten that Arya - tomboy, loud, brash _Arya_ \- found a boyfriend who adores the fuck out of her before Sansa ever did?  
  
_Shit._  
  
_...maybe something_ is _wrong with me._  
  
"I invited them, but Arya said they'll be very late." Robb waves his fork. "Something about attending a fencing competition and--"  
  
"What about Theon, then?" she cuts in. Theon may be a bit of a tool, but anyone's _better_ than being alone with Robb and his wise words about dating.  
  
"Yeah, he's coming in later - like always." Robb pauses to drink his wine. "Also, I invited Jon."  
  
_...right,_ Sansa thinks, taking Robb's own glass of wine and drinking every drop of it.  
  
Boys' Lunch Out Featuring Sansa Stark?  
  
_Wonderful._  
  
"Anyway--"  
  
There's a sudden flurry of movements behind them, and then Jon Snow himself appears out of the blue to sit between her and Robb. "Sorry I'm late," he tells Robb before acknowledging her presence with a nod. "Had an incident in the school that I can't get out of."  
  
"Let me guess," Sansa says. "It's that Joffrey kid, right?"  
  
Jon raises his brows at her. "How'd you know?"  
  
"I have my sources," she responds, smirking. At his continued look she adds, "Namely his adviser, Jeyne Pool."  
  
Jon sighs.   
  
"Joffrey kid?" Robb asks, looking at her, then at Jon.   
  
"Lannister," Sansa says, frowning. "I know, _I know_ I shouldn't be saying this, but he's terrible. _Terrible_. Terrorized my students just because they're younger than he is. You could hear them crying for days."  
  
"And now he's moved on to kids in my baseball club," Jon adds, grimacing. "He's in the same team with Ramsay Bolton. Let's just say there was an... altercation, during a game earlier. Blood was involved." He raises his bandaged arm. "Mine, unfortunately."  
  
"Yikes," Sansa says, placing a hand on the uninjured one. "Sorry. I hope you're okay?"  
  
Jon smiles at her. "Perks of the job, right?"  
  
"If only we have better insurance," she says forlornly.  
  
He chuckles. "If only."  
  
"So," Robb says suddenly, focusing on Jon now. "How have _you_ been lately?"  
  
_Ugh._ Sansa recognizes that tone of voice and _hates_ it instantly - although she's a bit grateful it's not directed towards her now.  
  
Jon meets Sansa's eyes before groaning out loud. Apparently _he_ also knows what it means. "Robb please, I _told_ you--"  
  
"Like I've been telling Sansa earlier, if you just give dating another chance, Jon, you'll find out how _happy_ it can make you."  
  
"Right," Jon sneers, "because who in their right mind will be happy while _single_ , right?"  
  
Sansa chokes on her salad.   
  
Robb straightens himself. "I know you two are busy with your school and all, but you also need to make sure to take care of yourselves. A _significant other_ can help you with that. Marg always says--"  
  
A wild thought appears in Sansa's head.  
  
Can she really--?  
  
"--it's important to love and be loved, and I think--"  
  
She _can_.  
  
"Actually Robb, there's something I need to tell you."  
  
Robb, bless him, gives her his full attention. Jon, meanwhile, takes a drink from his glass of water - sure that whatever she will say will _not_ concern him.  
  
_Fat chance, bub._   
  
And before she can change her mind, Sansa takes Jon's hand in hers and tells her brother, "Jon and I are dating."  
  
Leading Jon to visibly choke on his water.  
  
_Oops._  
  
Robb looks from her to Jon and back again. " _What?_ "  
  
Sansa takes a napkin and helps Jon dry his mouth - making it impossible for him to refute her words. "I know, I know, it's so _sudden_. Who would have thought, right? Us actually listening to your prattle about _dating_? So you can stop being a sanctimonious bastard about it with us. Seriously, stop it."  
  
Jon's brows are furrowed as he regards her.  
  
She steps on his foot and grins at him, hoping he'll just follow her lead.  
  
Robb, meanwhile, crosses his arms and asks, "How long has this been going on?"  
  
"Oh it's all _so_ new," Sansa says breezily, pulling Jon's hand and kissing the back of it. "Right, darling?"  
  
"Uh--" Jon stares at her mouth as if transfixed, before shaking his head and saying, "--yes, yes, definitely. We're-- doing that."  
  
"Dating," she supplies helpfully.  
  
"That too," Jon says, making her wince internally.  
  
The silence that engulfs them is so palpable it's making her sweat.  
  
_Shit._  
  
Robb frowns at them. "Well. This is unexpected."  
  
Right.   
  
He definitely doesn't look _happy_ now.  
  
...so, this is Sansa's one chance to take everything back, treat it as a joke - and she knows it. She lets go of Jon's hand and opens her mouth--  
  
\--except Robb beats her to it by proclaiming, "I _knew_ it! I had a feeling you two will be good for each other. I was about to suggest that you two... but then it seems I don't have to!" He claps Jon on the shoulder. "Is it too early to welcome you to the family, Snow? I don't care. I'm just so happy it's _you_ taking care of my sister from now on!"  
  
"Uh," Jon eloquently says, blinking at him.   
  
Robb then takes his phone out. "I have to tell Marg." And off he goes, dialing all the while.  
  
Leaving her and Jon alone on the table.   
  
_Right._  
  
"So," Jon says, pointedly _not_ looking at her as he does, "If he tells Margaery Tyrell about us... and then all the others are coming in to this lunch later... then _everyone_ will know, right? About--" He swallows heavily, "-- _us?_ "  
  
_Oh shit._  
  
_Oh fuck._  
  
"Uh," Sansa says eloquently.   
  
They're _definitely_ in trouble now.

**Author's Note:**

> based from the picture prompt given to me by @jonsa-creatives at tumblr :)


End file.
